Chapter 1 childhood
I was a young child already aware of certain truths. I had this knowing, a knowing that you choose everything in your life, but I didn’t understand complete why. I was already questioning so many things in life, like this cannot be the meaning of life so many people are unhappy. Like why did I choose my parents. And how does the universe works. I always believed in the fact there was something more and the the goal in life was definitely not making money.
I have chosen a childhood which brought up in me deep rooted feelings of trauma, not only from this lifetime but also from other lifetimes. And when I was in my teenage years I discovered a deep pain and sadness in my soul.
My search to myself has always been there. In the beginning I went to therapists, but I found out they were not really interested and often they didn’t understand me.
One thing I have never been afraid of and that is to express my truth, my feeling
Chapter 2 Own company – Earning a lot of money and not being happy
I started my own company when I was 26 and pure again onf feeling. I did actually everything on my feeling. If I didn’t feel something I didn’t do it, no matter what the outside was saying. I just had this gift of a knowing which I couldn’t explain. After school I decided not to study, but to work. I worked at a bank, at a pharmaceutical, I worked for Mattel, Boots Healthcare, Rabobank, Pfizer, DGV Texaco etc. I had like 9 jobs in a period of 6 years. In the meantime of me discovering myself by changing jobs I studied Commercial Economics in the evening. I studied pure because we live in a world where we need a paper, not because I liked it. After that I never ever studied again, except for my own vibration.
After 7 years leading s successful company with my business partner I got bored. I earned so much money and it didn’t make me happy at all. Yes it did in the beginning. It was great, but after a while I was thinking, this cannot be life, because I missed excitement. But was must I do…..I know now the universe can bring miracles in the most unexpected times. I went again for the 2th time on holiday to Cape Town and a friend of mine told me, why don’t you start a guesthouse. And this is me, when I feel it, I do it, without questioning and I go for it. So yes 3 months later we bought a house in order to start a guesthouse.
Everything came together two weeks before I left the Netherlands. I sold my share, we sold a house, we found tenants, I sold all my stuff, we arranged 2 containers and we got a visum for 2years
Chapter 3 South Africa – My outer world was falling apart and on the inside it felt exactly the same way
So 1th of April 2013 and there we are in Somerset West to start a guesthouse. Typically me, no research and no clue, just followed again my feeling. Did I panic, no, because deep down I knew I would be fine. After 5 months we created the most beautiful 4 star guesthouse and we were fully booked after a few months. And within 8 months I had my permit residence.
But the moment I arrived I had an enormous pain in my lower back and deep down I knew I had a hernia. But being hard on myself and being afraid it would cost money and in the hope it would go over I decided to work on. After 18 months I heard from the surgeon, that normal people cannot walk anymore. What the fuck I thought, how is it possible. I come all the way from Holland to South Africa to starts a dream, now I have this and I am not happy. And I made the click that I have created this. That I have created a partner that puts me down and that how I change the outer, if the inner is not happy, the outer will never perceived as happy.
So yes I went for an operation and I also decided to be in South Africa for 1,5 years to separate and to sell the guesthouse.
Chapter 4 – My teacher Ibogaine, the grandfather
After my operation my friend asked do you want to drink Ibogaine, there are 2 spots left and I said immediately yes. I was again just following my feeling. I didn’t do any research, I just felt to do it. I knew I had issues and I also wanted to know why I was here on earth and why I kept on attracting things that didn’t make me happy.
Wow this ibogaine journey changed my life completely. Was I scared, yes? I was so scared, but the voice in me was bigger than the fear. And I thought in the worst case I die and I knew death is not real, it is an experience, so I was fine with that. From that moment everything went fast and I got big lessons on my way. But I started to understand my inner, and so also why things happened to me and how to reflect on them. The shaman and more psychics told me, you are born medicine woman and you are here to teach people to feel again. I thought, but everyone feels or not? No they said, people have lost the connection. So I went to study my inner, my own vibration in order to understand the mirror. The universal truth that the outer is a reflection of the inner. Because that was for me the biggest eye opener there was. You are latterly the creator of everything that happens outside of you as this is a result of the inner. Not only I learned that, I also learned how to embrace and let go of not nice feelings and to see myself through the eyes of compassion. Since I have been in South Africa I have dealing with karmic relationships and I have looked my guilt, shame, sadness, anger and anxiety and fear in the eye. Were those years easy. No, a lot of times I wanted to tell the universe to fuck off and to escape to my old world. But once you have started the journey within, there is no way back. And I also knew I had to go on, as committing suicide would bring back on earth and to do this again. So I went on and deep within.
And my difficult years, I mean in 5 years I have experience to emigrate from Holland to South Africa. To start a guesthouse out of nothing. To have a spine operation, to divorce and to sell the guesthouse. To move from Somerset West to Cape Town where I didn’t know anyone and I had no clue what to do. I invested a lot of my time in my healing. I attracted big souls, call it soul mates, that mirrored my deepest shadow sides and I faced rejection after rejection.
What kept me going was my inner voice and the signs on my journey. Every time when I was so done, I got a sign or something to go on along.
Chapter 5 – Serving and guiding others to their truth
Yes now I can say, I am proud of my soul. I have faced all my darkness and my own judgement. By going everytime within I found my inner wisdom and that is everything about feelings, everything about the fact that the outer mirrors back your frequency. And this can go deep. Sometimes we don’t understand the outer or why things are happening. Sometimes we know we have a blockage and we have tried everything. This is the moment I often step in. I work strictly one one one, especially with my beautiful teacher Ibogaine. I don’t do group ceremonies. I want to protect your energy and my energy and this mean I feel to treat you in my sacred space. Further everyone is so unique, so I don’t have standard [program. When I met you I channel immediately information and I can see immediately where the inner is out of balance and where it needs attention. I can do this in a session, a reading, a retreat or else. I decide together with you what feels the best for you. I am here not project my feeling on you, but to help you understand your own feeling and to remove anything that doesn’t resonate with love.
We don’t need to love ourselves, we need to feel again the love in our soul. And this is only by removing low frequencies from the DNA. And only you can do that, when you allow the outer to activate you.
I always say, I have the button to put on your light, but you need to press on it. In the end, you are your own healer, teacher, lover, enemy, best friend and gift.
Chapter 6 – My gifts to others
I am specialised in the mirror, in frequency. So I am there to help you to feel and face your inner. I am specialized in any abuse, or hidden trauma’s, like mental or sexual abuse. There is no difference in any abuse, as for me if you experienced abuse, then it is abuse. One abuse is not worse than the other. I am specialised in helping you to understand your addictions and your co-dependency relationships with the outer. And my favourite subject, I am because of own experience again, specialized in narcissistic behaviour.
I have felt any feeling and experienced many things and now I understand why. If I have never felt what you are feeling now, I cannot help you. I speak from TRUTH, from my inner and this is the only way I can help activate your truth.
Besides my own energy I am specialised in combining plant medicines in order to help you reset your inner. My love for plant medicines and their wisdom is immense, and especially for my best friend Ibogaine, the plant of the truth.
So my heart is open to anyone that feels to work with me. Because if you feel it, then it belongs to your path
My gift is my light as my light will shine on your shadow side so it can come to the surface to be felt and healed